Where am I and what am I doing?

So you know that I’m in Liberia, and that I have a new job. But I realized I never really gave much more detail than that…

Just for clarification, I am in Liberia and not Libya – they sound similar but couldn’t be more different! (Though Khadafi did have some pretty close ties with Liberia during the cold war – it is even rumored that he owns the Pan-African Plaza hotel that was converted into the UN HQ in Monrovia…not to mention all the arms deals, military training, etc.)

Liberia is a small country in West Africa, surrounded by Sierra Leone, Guinea, Cote d’Ivoire and the Atlantic. I won’t go into details about the tumultuous history of the country – I tend to be pretty long winded on the subject since that was a large part of my MA thesis! But the general gist of things is that the country was founded in 1847 by freed American slaves that were sent back ‘home’ (though none of them were likely from Liberia). As such, it was the closest thing to an American colony – the Americo-Liberians, as they were called, brought a bit of the South to Liberia. Remnants still exist – they built Southern style plantation homes, brought organizations like the Masons to Africa, wore fancy suits and hats, and developed the small swath of land on the coast. Some say they took their cues from their former countrymen even further, treating the ‘native’ liberians with about as much respect as they’d been treated with, leaving most of hte country undeveloped. Eventually the different tribal groups became fed up, and sought retribution. Led by Samuel Doe, the masses rose up against the Americo-Liberians. Doe and his government had no experience governing, and Liberians became disillusioned with his repressive, inefficient government. Charles Taylor led a rebellion in 89 to unseat Doe – called the 1st World War. The battles were bloody and lasted until a tentative peace was arranged and hte elections of 1997, when Taylor was elected president. The 2nd World War began in 1999 and, if possible, was even bloodier than the first. At the end of 2003, UN and ECOWAS deployed troops, Taylor sought asylum in Nigeria, and the country entered into the current era of peace.
This is obviously an INCREDIBLY oversimplified version of a very complicated story, with a lot of holes, but it should give you a basic idea…

So what am I doing here? I was hired as the Deputy Director of Programs for the International Resuce Committee (IRC) programs in Liberia. The IRC is one of the largest non-profit organizations operating in Liberia – they’ve been active here since 1997. We run Health programs where we support a number of clinics and hospitals with drugs and medical staff, Education programs that support the development of teacher training curriculum and increasing the access to education for the most vulberable kids, especially girls, and Gender Based Violence prevention program. My job is to support the Country Director and the techincal specialists who run the programs, working to develop proposals that will get us new funds and troubleshooting the myriad things that can (and always seem to!) go wrong on the programs. It’s a huge job – the Liberian staff I work with are amazing, but most of them have not had easy lives and haven’t had tons of education or experience, and so while they are experts and the best people to work with Liberian communities, sometimes routine things can be a lot of work.

So, those are the basics of where I am and what I’m doing. Basically it’s a lot of work but I really believe in what we are doing.

Standard disclaimer – anything I write on here is my own opinion, and in no way represents the views of the IRC….

The Porch

In the last few weeks, I have become very attached to our front porch. The house is an old giant, with two separate floors of 4 bedrooms/3 bathrooms/1 kitchen each. We normally use the side entrance, by the carpark, and bypass the front porch and door completely, with the exception of a few parties we’ve had out here, but during the last month I have sat out here pretty much every day.

The power goes out at the house from 10-12 every morning. My routine has become to take a book or my computer, and come and sit out here at the flimsy plastic tables and chairs. The first blast of air after walking out of the ridiculously air-conditioned house is always hot and muggy. But after a few minutes I get used to the warmth, and the breeze that always seems to be blowing out here keeps me cool. After greeting the security guards, who are probably annoyed that I’ve taken over their porch, I dive into my books. The yard is filled with green plants – bushes, trees, ferns, palms. My favorite is the big tree right in front that is at the moment shedding copious amounts of hot pink petals all over the yard. Little lizards constantly scramble around feeding on ants and sunning themselves on the rails. When it rains I have to move the table into the middle to avoid the blowing water, but I am safe from most of it on the porch.


There is always a lot going on outside of our compound. Though I can’t see any of it over the 7 foot high wall topped with razor wire, I can hear and smell it. Most of the area we live in are fairly large houses and apartments occupied by government buildings and expats. But right near us is the JFK hospital, so there is a steady stream of cars, trucks and even ambulances driving down our little road. Across the road there are provisions shops selling odds and ends – bread, juice, cell phone scratch cards – as well as makeshift restaurants that serve bread with mayo and unidentifiable meat. My favorite is the man who walks by with a hotbox – basically a modified wheelbarrow that doubles as a grill from which he sells ‘cow meat’. A dilapidated, roofless old building, which must have been beautiful in its day, houses countless people including a baby which cries constantly. Above all the shacks you can see a DSTV satellite poking above the tin roofs. The newest addition is the movie house – someone has bought a small generator from which they run movies all day long. The volume is at full tilt and terribly distorted, but I can sometimes guess which films are being screened. Apparently they showed ‘Blood Diamond’ the other day, as I heard several Liberians discussing it at the bread shop – I would have loved to hear their opinion of the movie! Grilled food smells come over the wall around mealtime, mixed with smells of burning trash, exhaust, and so many other scents I can’t put names to. Though I am excited to get to work, I will miss my mornings out here on the porch.

Returning to Liberia

I returned to Liberia for the third time last week, but this time was somehow different. I had worked here back in 2004, and returned in June of this year to undertake field research for my MA. Leaving in 2004, I was certain that I would be back, but I never thought it would take me nearly 3 years to get here. Landing at Roberts Airport in June was such a mixture of emotions – exhaustion from the trip, elation to be back, excitement to see how Monrovia had changed, and something I just couldn’t put my finger on. I remember breathing deeply, taking in the scent of sea, smoke and rain that had made its way into my subconscious as the embodiment of Liberia. It was great to be back.

Arriving here last week, as I said, was slightly different. No longer was the city an unknown – I felt like I was walking back into my life which had been on hold for a few months. It was also a bit scarier – this time I was here to stay, which brings with it all the anxieties of moving to a new city anywhere. Will I find a job that I’m happy with? Will I find people I connect with, make friends easily? What kind of social life will I have? Will I be able to find everything I need? Especially troubling in a transient field like development, will anyone I knew before still be here? Will things have changed drastically?

I have been here nearly two weeks, and in many ways I still feel like my Liberian life hasn’t begun. It has been an amazingly relaxing time – something I don’t usually do well. But until I find a job and start making friends, it somehow doesn’t seem real, like I’m really setting up shop here. But for now I am enjoying the little things – getting into a routine, going to the gym down the street, making dinner and even watching tv. Little domestic things I haven’t done in a long time. Trying to just take things slow and not worry too much about the future, enjoying my down time now while I have it. I’m sure the ‘adventure’ will begin soon enough!

brrrr!

These Brighton-ites are nearly as crazy as Minnesotans.

Today it was bright and sunny out, but darn chilly – or at least I thought. Apparently, it doesn’t matter that I was wearing long pants and a sweater and was cold. If it is sunny out, people will walk around town in tank tops, shorts, sandals – showing off their summer wardrobe that hasn’t seen the light for the past 6 months. They even flock to the beach, and strip down to their bikinis and even bras if they’re desperate for some sun on their pasty white skin. Some fools even brave the water! Mmm, not me. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by the South African weather on my recent trip down there. Or maybe my blood has thinned from my time in the ridiculously hot Sudan. But I’m sticking to my sweaters for now.

back to school

I hate that sick-in-your-stomach feeling the day before the end of a holiday. Unfortunately, mine ended up lasting about 4 days. I got bumped off my incredibly oversold flight from Johannesburg to London (via Nairobi and Amsterdam), and had to stay in Jo’burg for another two days. Could have been worse – they paid me $300 and put me up in a posh hotel room. And at least Nick was there to keep me company. But, still – it stinks to have to prolong a goodbye. Once you get all packed and ready to go and you’re at the airport, you just want to go and get it over with. Instead, you get stuck in limbo.

I made it back to good ole’ Brighton this morning after over 24 hours of traveling. I am ready to not see a plane again for a good long time. Doubt that will happen.

I had an amazing time in Cape Town – this was my fourth trip down there, and I feel quite at home there now. It was about the most laid back, relaxed vacation I’ve had in a really long time. Well, except for that term paper hanging over my head (blech).

Now it’s back to school. Only a few more weeks of classes, then dissertation time. GULP! Scares the crap out of me.

Paris

I’ve been to Paris a few times before, and done all the wonderfully touristy things that there are to do there. I’ve visited the Eiffel Tour, the Louvre, Luxembourg Gardens, the Arc de Triomphe, Notre Dame, millions of museums, churches and monuments. I really love the city.

But the beauty of the city is in being able to explore it. And that is largely dependent on the weather. It’s not so much fun to walk for hours when it is cold and rainy!

We lucked out when we went into the city the other day with some of our teachers for a ‘sortie’. It had been grey and threatening all morning, but as we got to Notre Dame the sun came out. It was a gorgeous, if cold day. We toured the Quartier Latin, which I have to admit isn’t the most exciting area as far as tourist sites go. We did get to see the should-be-famous ‘Indiana Grill’, which apparently serves superb Tex-Mex food. Who knew Indiana was so close to Texas or Mexico? Not me. We also visited the Sorbonne, where the students were staging a serious 80s revival in the main square. Leg warmers, tight pants and leggings galore, and dancing around to ‘Fame’ and ‘Sweet Dreams’. Not what I would have expected from this revered institution.

Yesterday I really wanted to visit Montmarte, a quarter in the North of the city that is where all of the (somewhat crazy) writers and artists hung out until right after WWI. It’s also where the Moulin Rouge is, in the seedy Pigalle area, and where one of my favorite movies ever was filmed, ‘Amelie’. I should have known that it would be touristy! Montmarte is at the North end of the city, and is basically one huge hill. At the top is the Sacre Coeur, which is an absolutely amazing basilica. I was pretty awestruck (or maybe it was just that I was so out of breath just from climbing the steps!). I was determined to try and catch a little of the Bohemian ambience, so I walked all over the town. I did have a lot of fun, but basically ended up soaking wet and chilled. I’ll have to trek back someday when the weather is a bit nicer…

Quel temps fait-il aujourd’hui?

You know the old joke – if you don’t like the weather in Minnesota, wait ten minutes and it will change? It’s not such a joke here.

It literally snowed, rained, was sunny, hailed and sleeted (in about that order) in one morning. The weather here is ridiculous. Supposedly it was summer-like last week, but this week is much closer to winter than I would like. I’ve been freezing! It doesn’t help that spring had arrived in Brighton before I left, so I was hoping it would be nice here, too. But at least I’ve been learning lots of new vocabulary about the weather!

Un soir trés bizarre…

I decided to get out of my room and go to the movies – there was a film festival on through this evening, so I figured I wasn’t wasting much money on a film I would barely understand. And it was a good thing…I understood what was going on, but I probably only caught about half of the dialogue. Oh well.

I’d decided to go alone – probably partly to avoid the awkward, terrible conversation two non-French speakers would have to have to each other on the walk there and back, now that I think about it. Anyway, the film started at 8:50, so by the time I got out it was nearly 11:00. I started to walk home, and got about 5 minutes away from the theatre (if that) when two dogs started following me. They were two well fed labs, one brown and one black. They seemed to have collars on, but I wasn’t about to stop and find out. I kept hoping they were just heading in my same direction. But when I slowed down, they slowed down. When I switched to the other side of the road, they followed.

Some of you may know that I had a bit of a bad experience in East Timor with stray dogs, which I think has colored my view a bit. I have nothing against good ‘ole Spot, as long as he’s with his owner. But random dogs following me? Mmm, not so much. Luckily, these guys weren’t the bearing teeth/growling/barking types. They just trotted along happily beside me. But I admit I was a bit scared at first.

I was hoping I’d be able to duck into the gate at the Institute and leave them outside. But no luck. The caretaker and his dog were out having a smoke (ok, I don’t think the dog was actually smoking…). After a short commotion, Christophe managed to put his dog inside, and come and help me. He called someone – I’m not sure who, maybe the dog police? – to let them know he’d found two dogs with collars and no tags. Do dogs in the US have a code tattooed inside their ears? Apparently they all do here. Strange. I had to stand there with them, as I couldn’t leave or they would follow me! They’d become quite attached in our 20 minutes together, I guess.

Eventually Christophe distracted them long enough that I could go back to my room – by then I was actually warming up to the dogs, but I was starting to freeze standing outside in the cold. I hope Christophe can find their owners.

This was probably one of the strangest things to happen to me recently. I don’t think this would happen in Brighton – instead you’d just have random drunk people following you home (simply because they thought you looked like one of their friends…yeah, they’re odd).

Je suis en ciel!

I have found my own personal heaven. I visited Carrefour the other day, a huge supermarket/everything store. I was just wandering aimlessly around checking out what kinds of things were there. And then….

I walked into heaven.

A HUGE aisle, with both sides filled clear up to the ceiling with nothing but cheese.

And that is not all. There is also an entire ‘formage’ section at the back of the store, with all the specialty cheeses, right next to the piles and piles of fresh bread. Mmmm. And only a few feet away, two full aisles of wines.

Yeah, I could live here, but I’d never be able to fit on an airplane seat to come and visit any of you!

Sucking water from a fire hydrant

I love that phrase. Nick used it to describe how I must be feeling my first day of French classes. It’s too true – I’m just trying to soak up as much as I can of the immense amount of information being thrown my way. It is sooo tiring.

I’m studying at the Institut International de Rambouillet. It’s housed in a château, or literally a castle (though it doesn’t seem quite so grandiose as all that to me). It is a lovely old house, though. There are about 30 students here right now – I’ve been told this is the very slow time of year. Most live here on the property, though some are au pairs that live with families in town. It’s an eclectic group. Tons of Korean students, a few Japanese, a couple Germans and Austrians, Mexicans and a Colombian. Not many Americans.

Classes are tough. 6 hours a day on grammar, vocabulary, listening comprehension, and conversation. Then more French at meals, and what few social events there are. I haven’t really studied a language seriously in a long time. And I have to admit, I am not a natural! I keep mixing up Spanish and French words, hacking the pronunciation to death, ugh. But I am definitely learning a lot. I should really be here for a solid month, though, to really improve.

Rambouillet is a funny little town. It’s about 30 minutes from Paris (if you take the direct train, as I learned the hard way), so it’s basically a suburb. It’s quite tiny – it has one main street where all the shops are, with the exception of the large supermarket, Carrefour. It’s very cute. In the main square there is an old carousel that still works. It’s got one movie theatre with two screens – it only opens 15 minutes before the show starts, and changes its two films weekly. People here drive on the correct (right) side of the road, which really threw me – I keep almost getting thwacked. But there are really jaunty little green men on the walk signs. They make me want to dance every time I see them, they just look like they’re kicking back, whistling their way across the street. There are a million and a half patisseries, and people actually live up to the Parisian stereotype of walking around with a baguette under their arm on their way home!

The Institut is also a funny place. People come in and out every week, so there always seem to be different people around. Meals are these strange, rushed events. I think it is partly because people are dying to get out of the awkward conversations which are the only thing that most of us can have with our limited French – ‘qu’est-ce que tu a fait ce weekend?’ can get really old really quickly. Whatever the reason, people literally scarf down their meals, and if you get to dinner at 7:30p (it starts at 7), the food is already being cleaned up. Sometimes people gather in the common space in the basement of the château and watch CSI (‘Les Experts’) or some movie. But mostly people stick to themselves.

It will be an interesting two weeks…

my cell


People tell me how lucky I am to have been allocated my room in the University-run apartment complex where I live. Most days I’d agree. It’s a bit bigger than the other 5 rooms in my flat. I have a great sea view – I can sit at my desk and stare out at the waves and watch the seagulls float past. We’re up on the 6th floor so we get less of the considerable street noise. I’ve decorated it a bit, so it feels kind of homey.


But some days it feels more like a prison cell than anything. While it is larger than most, it is still tiny – I can sit on one side of the room at my desk and prop my feet on the bed. On tantalizingly sunny days like today it is brutal to sit inside and feel the sun on you, wishing you were outside enjoying it. And hearing people out partying on a Saturday night while you’re in reading yet another article on empowering society can be so depressing. Outside of my two days a week I am on campus for classes, I spend most of the rest of my time here in my little room, working (or at least thinking about how I should be working). It’senough to drive a girl mad.

strange sights

Walking home late on a Saturday night recently, I couldn’t help laugh. I was coming back from a late night at school, and was the pathetic girl wearing tennis shoes and a backpack instead of a hot pink mini-skirt, shiny pleather stilettos and other oh-so-80s accessories (the dress code of Brighton on a weekend). The electronic display on one of the double decker buses heading into the town center carrying a load of party-goers flashed something unusual. I had to look twice – yep, it was for real. After showing the buses final destination, it changed to say ‘Disco Decker’. I wonder if the passengers knew they were on a true party-mobile. And did the driver’s boss know he was having so much fun at work?

Brussels

The entire city of Brussels smells like waffles and chocolate. Mmm. I was in serious sweet overload after I was there last weekend for a friend’s birthday. Swore up and down I’d never eat chocolate again. I lied.

Brussels has a reputation of being a terribly boring city. I completely disagree. While it may lack the tourist attractions that draw people to other parts of Europe, it is a truly fun city. It reminds me of DC in a lot of ways – it has a very transient, international population, many drawn there because of work in the corporate headquarters, EC offices, UN commissions and the like that the city houses. It seems like it would be fairly easy to meet and become part of a community there – everyone is from somewhere else.

I literally got on a plane, and only then asked myself ‘what is there to do in Brussles?’ I knew nothing about the city. Did you know Brussels is the home to the Art Nouveau movement? My fav, by far. Despite the soggy weather, I was in heaven just wandering around looking at the fantastic architecture.

We literally ate our way through the city. I haven’t been in such good restaurants, cafes and bars for quite awhile. Its amazing what a good exchange rate can do for your social life…it was amazing not to wince every time I saw a menu. God bless the Euro. I would be the size of a house if I lived there.

My friend who I was there with is a Development person, too, and shares a love of markets and the more colorful side of cities. We wandered around the part of town that’s home to the huge Congolese diaspora, where you can find all sorts of bizarre looking vegetables, wax cloths and hair weave shops. We also traipsed through the Moroccan market, which is where I would go to get all my fruits and veg and things, it looked so fresh and was cheap as chips.

As I expected, my French is still pretty miserable. I understand everything, but speaking…another story. It didn’t help that I actually spoke Spanish more than anything else most of the weekend. We went to an amazing tapas place one night, a Mexican restaurant another, and there are tons of Spaniard/Latinos around. Who’d have thought?

Road Rage…

Though I am a slave to public transport (no car), I have recently had more than my share of road rage episodes…

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve lived in the US, but am I crazy in remembering that pedestrians usually walk on the right hand side of the road? There are sometimes those near-collision moments, but the default is always to the right, so you mostly avoid hitting each other.

I assumed that in the UK, as they drive on the left, that they would also walk on the left. Wrong. Ok, so I revised my hypothesis, and started walking on the right. Just as many run-ins. And they’re not the friendly “shall we dance” moments when you jump back and forth trying to pass each other. People get mean. I got sworn at by a little old grandpa the other day for not getting out of the way. And this is a regular occurrence.

I started noticing the swerving patterns I have to take on my walks – dodging strollers, bikes, shopping carts, joggers, and the oldsters. There is simply no method to their madness. It must take me twice as long as it would if I were walking in a straight line. So just getting from A to B becomes an obstacle course, and it’s amazing if you can do it without being shouted at for being in someone’s way.

Drives me mad. I think my expectations of ‘order’ in the UK were way too high. I am trying not to let road rage get the best of me – I don’t want to become one of those enraged pedestrians.

how odd

I see the oddest things here in Brighton. A few days ago I was out for a jog along the waterfront. I was running past a very swank looking guy (very, very slowly…if it could even be called running!). He had spiked black hair, wore a very Euro turtleneck sweater, and had a cell phone that appeard to surgically connect his right hand and ear. And under his left arm was…a tambourine.

Minis- the car. I didn’t know that there were also Mini pick-up trucks, and station wagons. True. I’ve seen them with my own eyes.

And today, on my normally mundane bus ride to campus, we passed one of the many funeral homes that line London Road. In front of one was a horse drawn hearse. The horses were wearing black cloaks, and the whole carriage was decorated in fairly gaudy carnation-like flowers. And then I saw the leopard print casket buried in all the flowers. And the photo of the woman who, I presume, lay in the coffin. I didn’t even know leopard print was an option. I’ll have to remember that.

learning to think again

Ok, so I jumped on the bandwagon…then fell asleep. I think it’s that old problem of looking at a blank page – you just don’t know where to start! So I’ll start with something that’s taking up all my time lately – academia.

I’m smack-dab in the middle of my ‘advanced’ degree, probably the most advanced one I’ll ever get. I can’t imagine doing a PhD. I think I’d be one of those ‘ABDs’ who could just never finish their dissertation. It’s such an open-ended process, and I have realized over my 16 years of formal education that I am a serious deadline person (read: procrastinator). No matter how hard I try or how early I start, I just can’t turn in a paper more than an hour (max) before it is due. I am always so envious of my classmates who turn their work in a week early and then just sit back and relax as the rest of us panic. But how do they know that they’ve made it the best they can? Here’s my usual scenario: the day before it is due I am still frantically finding new sources, looking for just the right quote or idea. Then the morning it is due, I am tearing out my hair to figure out how to fit all that info into my word limit. I think somewhere subconsciously I must love the adrenaline rush that last few hours gives, but at the time it is pure hell.

Grad school isn’t really what I expected. I am spending much less time learning ‘how to’ do things, and spending much more time deconstructing what I learned in undergrad. Part of that is the difference between the US and UK traditions. I am only now realizing that my BA was really a very one sided view of International Relations and Politics. I can’t at all remember learning anything about ‘critical theory’, or some of the more radical views of IR. Of course, I went to school in Washington DC, and then worked for USAID projects for 5 years, so I was completely indoctrinated. Not that I disagree with everything, it’s just that now, at Sussex (notorious for its radical nature) I am realizing that I have to learn a new language of critique. It’s fascinating, but my cynical side asks how much I will be able to use these new ideas when I go back to the field…so much of development is ruled by these norms and ideas associated with ‘neoliberalism’. I am just trying to enjoy the learning and thinking…I know I won’t be able to have this luxury when it’s back to the crazy life of jumping through hoops for donors